Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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