chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
