do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
