I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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