He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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