the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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