we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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