maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
