Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
