Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
