So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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