There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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