Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
cat food counts as protein by the way
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
