In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
