i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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