I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
