hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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