My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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