i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
