the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
