I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
