i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
