Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Operation Purity has been aborted
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
