why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
