I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
