I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
