Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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