My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize