I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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