I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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