the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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