Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
