I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
