He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Come on in and take your pants off
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