So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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