Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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