We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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