next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
