I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Drunk is a universal language darling
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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