Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
