Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
