I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
