Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
