Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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