I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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