We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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