i think my tv is drunk
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
