I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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