The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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