I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
