Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
