Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
