I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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