Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The struggles of a small town man whore
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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