You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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