How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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