I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
