Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
