Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
