Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
