Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
