I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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