i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
