My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
