I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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