You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
