Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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