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My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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