Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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