So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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